Constructive Feedback as Valentine’s Day Present? Why not!


What did you give to your significant other on Valentine’s Day? Was it an expensive purse you saw on online shop? Or the sneakers he had dreamed of for months? Or you hadn’t given him/her anything?

Worry not, my friend, I’ll give you an advice to give your love one the best gift he/she’ll ever get and you’ll thank me later for this affordable gift *wink wink*


So, before I tell you this priceless gift, let me tell you something. I believe that you are really care about your significant other. You want him/her to thrive. You are one of the best supporting system that he/she has.

That’s why, you’ll count this advice as a priceless gift. And the advice is giving your significant other a …

Constructive Feedback

Yeap, you read it buddy, ˈfiːdbak.

Constructive feedback is different from the usual feedback that we know. It lets us learn from our fault. It lets us be our better self.

wait, what?

During your daily routine interacting with your spouse, family, friends, or even coworkers, I believe that you’ve ever noticed something on them that you didn’t really like and you wish they also noticed about it too.

Well, maybe those are …

You wish that they could have done something better. You wish that they could come earlier. You wish that they could understand you more. You wish that they could be brave enough to achieve their life goals. Aaaand other wishes that you wish they knew about it and they are willing to understand.

isn’t it more like you ask us to just complain everything about our significant others, Ay?

Well, if you can deliver all your concern about them good enough, I believe they will think about your thoughts and start metamorphosing to be their better self! — this is the best case tho, but, we need to be optimistic in this life, ‘aight?

but how can we deliver our feedback as a good enough feedback?

Situation-Behaviour-Impact Feedback

Before I give you this advice, I do thank Gojek for conveying me these ‘recipe’ of giving a feedback on my second week as a new hire product engineer. I now understand that one of the reason that Gojek still exists is because of its love for feedbacks and improving itself from those feedbacks.

First, in giving someone a feedback, you need to think about the situation when your significant other do something not suitable by your values or beliefs.

Secondly, you need to remember exactly what behaviour that your significant other do that disrupting your values or beliefs.

Last, you have to state what was the impact that happened when he/she was behaving that disrupting your values or beliefs.

For instance, your significant other was late when both of you wanted to watch a movie in a cinema and work together at a 24h coffee shop afterwards. You may say,

“Yesterday when we watched movie X at the cinema, you were late and we had to watch movie X on the next schedule, actually I was disappointed because I had planned to finish my work yesterday night at the cafe but it turned out I was running out of time.”

From the example, it clearly explain the situation — when they wanted to watch a movie and worked together — , the behaviour that one person did — he/she was late — , and the impact of that one person did — another person’s unfinished work.

So, how was it? I believe my advice for your valentine’s day present is affordable and indeed priceless, isn’t it? Well, I do hope you find this advice helpful! :D

Software Engineer | Traveler | Lifelong Learner

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store